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July 10, 2010  7:50 PM

Dang, this has been a boring day. Been in the room all day, just eating and sleeping. At least there is a Harry Potter marathon on the tele so it is not all that bad.

Someone sent my caregiver some instructions on giving a pill to a cat. I guess they heard what a fiasco it was when he tried to place a HUGE pill down my throat. Look at this thing, it is HUGE (!!!). Maybe a dog can take it without any problems, they do not bother chewing anyway, they will swallow anything you give them. I have a more delicate palette. These pills are some kind of a nutritional supplement and they must have been made by someone who does NOT have a cat. Good luck with that!




1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.   As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.    

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.    Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.

Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.   Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


7.. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.    Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.    

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



It is all too diabolical. I am still plotting my escape. I hear there are some "cat houses" here in the area, perhaps it is a refuge for escapees. I will find my way to one of these cathouses and then plan my journey up North to Canada. I hear there are no dogs in Canada.



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